STICKERS!!

I was watching a little kid the other day. He had just come out of his music class and was choosing 2 stickers from the teacher because he had done "good work". He spent ages choosing the shiniest ones and I found myself slightly envious! I want stickers! I work hard and don't often have anyone saying "Well Done" or "You rock!..... How about "great job on the packed lunches today" or  "Squeegee Queen" when I scrape all the soap scum off the shower? Oh, I can think of a thousand....."2000 toilet rolls changed this year" or "10/10 for sock matching". And what about outside of the house?? What I wouldn't give to have a roll of stickers to hand out for all those times people annoy me such as  "Gross Pig"  -the guy who hocks a loogy -(spits a jelly one) - just as I'm passing by? or "Nose Picker of the Year!" shoved through the window of the car next to me at the traffic lights, with the driver who is so intent on digging for gold that he doesn't notice the lights have changed! Maybe "Ignorant B...ard!" for the guy who farts next to you in the line up at Save-on-Foods, or "Spoilt Little Rich B..ch" for the West van Tweenie with her own Starbucks card and I-Phone who pushes in front of you at the coffee shop, who thinks it's nothing to pay $5.49 for a large, extra foam, non-fat Mocha Latte which she will take one sip of and declare loudly to be "totally gross!" One sticker I just HAVE to have will say "I value my Universe as much as I value my Body" for the hundreds of slobs who think it is OK to dump their half eaten crap on the side walk after a grease binge!

On a brighter side, wouldn't it be fun to hand out "You've made my day" stickers to people who take the time to open doors for you or let you go ahead at the market because you only have one item. What about "I don't know you but you look like a nice person" to the lady or gent who smiles and says "good morning" as you pass. Maybe a "I'm a responsible dog owner"sticker to the people who pooper scoop at the doggy park or "Great Parenting Skills" to the lady in the movie cinema who makes her kids sit down and stop talking as soon as the movie starts. And talking of movies, I'd LOVE to have a roll of "I've got a Huge Melon" stickers to plaster on the cranially challenged individuals who seem to follow me from theatre to theatre and wait until I've found the perfect seat before plopping down in the seat right in front of me, causing me to spend the entire movie half lifted on my hands and bending to the left or right (depending which side they have their popcorn on) until my neck feels as though I've been on the roller coaster at Playland!

Anyway, I'm sure you could add your own to this list. It's actually fun and there are no rules. Finally, the one I've always wanted to have printed is actually a bumper sticker (aimed at the car drivers who insist on tailgating just because you refuse to travel more than 20 over the speed limit.) This sticker would read "YOU ARE SO FAR UP MY JACKSY I HOPE YOU ARE WEARING A CONDOM!!!!      Crude but effective I like to think!